Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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