Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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