I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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