I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
