guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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