2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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