I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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