ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
