Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
