This girl is more easily done than said...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
