haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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