More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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