I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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