i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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