I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
