every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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