A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
