If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize