In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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