Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
