Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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