Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
