can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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