I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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