im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
