Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
