If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love having hate sex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
