rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
