Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
