he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
