Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
