someone threw a dead crab at me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
