Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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