I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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