Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
