take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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