i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
