he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
