shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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