I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
