____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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