the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
