I can tuck mytits in my pants
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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