I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
