i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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