just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
