I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Porn is love you can see.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they're like a gay fantastic four
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
