If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
