So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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