I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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