If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
