Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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