Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
