words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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