Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
