well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
