please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
