Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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