found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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