I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
