Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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