theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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