the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
