There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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