hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
