When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
