he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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