The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
