Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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