I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
