I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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