Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
