Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
